Upon visiting family in Monterey 2 weeks back, I learned that a close friend was in the hospital with COVID. This friend was a successful doctor, a considerably healthy 70 year old with a strong heart both physically and metaphorically. He chose to stay unvaccinated, assuming he would be fine if he were to get sick.
On Friday October 22nd, the plug was pulled on his ventilator. His physical heart beat went for an hour after his last artificial breath. His emotional heart beat is still felt in our family and will be for a long time.
The saying goes: “There are 2 things promised to us in life - death and taxes.”
Ironically enough, I developed COVID the week after hearing about my dear friend passing. I got it from my girlfriend who conveniently broke up with me the week after - it turns out this is a very shitty situation to be in. The week I was sick, the covid brain fog did not give me many things to do. I was primarily focused on 3 things:
- Netflix
- Texting girlfriend (if you can help it, try not to text a girlfriend that’s going to break up with you in a week)
- Reading
I found a book while searching my fathers shelf titled A Grief Observed by CS Lewis. Apparently, CS Lewis fell in love with a woman with cancer. Understandably so, this book on his love life is a set of rantings and emotional vomit. Lewis was a writer, so his way of coping was writing. I’m not a writer, but I do need to cope. Its been a shitty couple of weeks.
I think many people, myself included, love to posit hypotheticals. “What if my family friend had gotten the vaccine?”, “What if I had never met my ex and I hadn’t been painfully rejected?”. The fact is, choices were made and effects - which we have much less control of than we seem to believe - came after.
My Mother is a pediatrician, and while our friend was in the hospital and still concious, she snuck into his room to check up on him. She said our friend was breathing heavy and having a hard time getting enough air to stay awake. But what he said to her when she came in? “Jill, it’s good to see you! How are the boys doing? I always love seeing them around”.
Love may not be promised to us in this life like death is, but it can be earned. I do not believe his mind was filled with hypotheticals - He did not regrett not getting the vaccine. He chose the risks that he was willing to live (and die) with, just as we all have to do. What he cared about were his friends, family and the love that was there for him because of the life he lived.
Thank you Bruce West, you will always be my friend.